As the country mourns the passing of Queen Elizabeth II, our thoughts turn to how we individually grieve. With more than 22 years’ experience working with children and young people, we understand that the process of grief can be different for every individual, regardless of their age.

While it may feel odd to even talk to children about the death of someone that they never knew, a death of a prominent figure can affect children as well as adults. It may be their first experience of death and they don’t really understand it, or it may be that it is bringing up difficult experiences as they remember other people that have died. This generation of children have also lived through a pandemic, where death and illness were spoken about often, so it can feel scary to experience it through someone so well known.

Be open and honest
Children can ask lots of strange questions surrounding death, but it is their way of trying to make sense of it. Use language that is clear and that they fully understand. Using phrases like ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘passed away’ can be confusing to young children so using words such as dead or died may feel blunt but is in fact much clearer.

Reassure your child 
Children have been so exposed to talk about illness and death that it is important that they feel safe. Offer them reassurances without making impossible promises. It’s fine to say that we are all safe and healthy now and that it is important to keep exercising and eating well to keep it that way.

Feeling sad is ok 
Whether the death of the Queen has brought back some memories, or they are finding it difficult to process feelings they don’t truly understand, let them know their emotions are valid. Avoid saying, “Don’t be sad because you didn’t know her.” However they feel, let them know it is ok to sit in that feeling for a while.

Be aware of a change in behaviour 
Children don’t grieve in the same way as adults. They can seem to be in the depths of despair at some moments and then a minute later, asking what’s for dinner. Grief can also look different in children. They may complain of a sore tummy or head, be very quiet or even become quite aggressive.

Express your feelings
Children look to the adults around them to learn how to express their emotions and feelings. It’s ok to say that the death of the Queen has made you feel sad because of certain reasons. Showing that sadness is just another part of life will help them to cope with it later and normalise the experience.